i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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