Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
