I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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