im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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