Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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