I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
