make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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