Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize