I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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