Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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