just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
