I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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