she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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