I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
