So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
