I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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