WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
