I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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