I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
