I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
