I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
