Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
