So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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