you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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