what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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