I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
