I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
