I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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