Jerry, you need to find god
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
