Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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