Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
