There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
