i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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