Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
