So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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