What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
