just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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