my sisters under your porch take her home
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
