Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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