i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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