She said her name was "party"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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