Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
