Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
