Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
