So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
