Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
