So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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