I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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