im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
