I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
