guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
