I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize