2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
