did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
