he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
