Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
