Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
