I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize