why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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