I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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