Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
