YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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