I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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