I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
