Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Rumble strips road head = magical
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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