My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize