so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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