cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
