I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
