Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
