The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
