Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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