Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
