I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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