Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize