I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
