When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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