Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
