You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
