Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
