I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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