mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
