hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
